Crowds of female students used to flock to each Pali bathroom mirror during school, over the weekend, during the summer, and even after graduating. The bathroom was a lively social setting where even the nerdiest Journalism nerd might make a friend. The bathroom was like the party of the year every day except it didn’t have an instagram account, and everyone was invited. Each bathroom featured dim lighting that blurred every pore and gifted exactly one ounce of lip filler. The bathroom was a rave…a spiritual awakening…a religious revelation. Pali might have been where students received an education, but the bathroom was where we truly lived.
But on the first day of school, when I dashed to the bathroom to reunite with my reflection, I was shaken to my core by a terrible sight. My feet trembled in my Brandy Melville heart socks and Ugg slippers. It was something I had not known could even exist: a mirrorless bathroom.
At first, I could not understand. But after devoting a concerning amount of time to thinking about why ASB would do something so terrible, I realized that an insecure student population is a compliant student population. After all, does ASB not stand for Anarchy Satanic Backstabbers? We should have seen this coming.
However, I believe that getting rid of the bathroom mirrors goes against everything our forefather, Dewey the Dolphin, had in mind when he chiseled Pali High out of the bluffs. Mirrors are deeply embedded in our school’s history. For example, dolphins live in the ocean, the surface of which is essentially one big mirror.
As I write this article, my confidence crushed and self-esteem splintered, I stare desperately into Mr. Steil’s shiny, bald head…the greatest mirror left in this prison.