Freshman Seduced by Candy Signs Up for 100 Clubs on Club Day
By Audrey Smith
Freshman Hannah Smith, lured in by the promise of free candy, signed up for 200 clubs at Pali’s club fair last week.
“I just wanted a Starburst,” Smith lamented. “Now I have 10,000 messages on Remind and a mandatory 6 AM rowing practice.”
Her commitments include being mascot of the Taylor Swift club, in charge of snacks for Jewish-Muslim Alliance Club (despite belonging to neither religion), and president of the Trader Joe’s Club, which she now refers to as Traitor Joe’s club.
The Palisadist has confirmed that she will never have a free lunch again.
Freshman Sam Cohen shares similar regrets.
“I was checking out the clubs when I saw this absolutely hilarious I Love Boobs sign,” he said. “I thought it would be funny to get a picture with it. I’m now vice president of the Breast Cancer Awareness club and have to shave my head in solidarity.”
Cohen reflected on the events that led to this predicament.
“It was all a blur. I signed my name on a lot of papers as the president dangled Kit Kats in front of me.”
Evidently, unawareness of the dangers of club day can have disasterous consequences, and bribes should not be tolerated on our campus. But if you join The Palisadist, we’ll give you a lollipop.
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