Study Reveals 90% of Group Project Work Done by One Sad Student

Groundbreaking research by Pali’s science department has confirmed that one member of the group project inevitably ends up doing 90% of the work, as is tradition.

Researchers found that the rest of the students' contributions were limited to: suggesting a font, putting their names to the title page, and adding a slide at the end of the presentation that reads, “Thanks for watching.”

“I knew it!” said junior ...

By Audrey Smith

Extremely tenured teacher Elbur Pickle was deeply offended when a student submitted an assignment one day late. 

“Deadlines are sacred,” said Pickle, who has not yet graded assignments from a previous presidential administration. “They teach students discipline–something many of them clearly lack.”

Pali student Rachel Lin explained, “It’s been really frustrating for me because I spent so long on this essay ...

“I just wanted a Starburst,” Smith lamented. “Now I have 10,000 messages on Remind and a mandatory 6 AM rowing practice.”